tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
