Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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