listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
