I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
