Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
