The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
