i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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