Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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