I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're breaking my sexual little heart
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
