boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
