break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
