You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
