I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
