Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
