Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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