holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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