I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
