someone get that fucking seahorse.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
