So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
