the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
