Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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