There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
