we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
