dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
