She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
