I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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