I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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