I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
