Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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