Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
