I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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