LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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