roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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