getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
