We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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