Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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