i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
