i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
