can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
