I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
