Nicole vs. Life
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
