mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
