Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
