do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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