Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
