he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
