Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
