I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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