I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How external is "for external use only"?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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