the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
