On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
