She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
